The following is a rerun for Mother’s Day. However, I have edited it as my writing skills have massively improved a little. To anyone who read the first entry, you might notice the removal of many commas and quotation marks. I was trying to keep the punctuation industry in business. However, I can only do so much as I am just one person.

AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION.

Let me state that I know that this is better as a Mother’s Day post. However, my research was complete, and I did not want to wait. I did not want to put it on hold because the truth must be shared. Others need to know that they are out there. It is also essential for me to State unequivocally that I have no children. I know what I am talking about and my lack of munchkins proves this fact. I know many women who have children. After anonymously going on the inside this is my story.

All moms have a full-time job. When these heroes get hired, they are made aware that this is a permanent position. No time off will be given. They do get title bumps though with minimal if any pay increases except for emotional pay.

They start off with the title of Mama. This mama is blessed and given this small creature. Rumors have it that these mini creatures are sent down from the mothership by way of a stork. At this stage in the job, there are a lot of unmentionable real messes. These messes cause ample learning. These Wonder Women dressed as their alter egos begin to adapt. They realize the importance of being ready for anything. These small creatures brought by stork cause mischief beyond comprehension.

The next thing that these Wonder Women know is that they get the new title of Mommy. They are still not given a company manual for proper preventative practices. This step up in the company means fewer physical and more emotional messes. At this stage, these Diana Princesses (WW ref) have become used to being an employee of the month. They are awarded time after time and get very little recognition.

Just as they begin to get comfortable with this job title they get a new one. This new title is Mom. They do get some assistance from their co-worker. This cohort has also gone through the ranks. His job title has gone from Dada to Daddy and then Dad. Although this Amazonian woman still has total control. However, the teenage years makes her authority a challenge.

I know that there are only 24 hours in a day. I still do not understand how these Themyscira Champion’s (WW ref) do it. I found that these moms have other jobs as well. The number of jobs that these Wonder Women hold change as needed. They keep a plethora of jobs like techies, maintenance, Nurse or any role that is required. A human being needs sleep, and I’m not 100% sure moms sleep. This knowledge leads me to the conclusion that these Amazonian women (WW reference) are not from this planet.

After observing these mothers, I realized that they are in a type of sorority or sisterhood. These mothers have a mental connection. This link of the mind allows them to get support from any mother that is in the area. This aid can even come from those that they do not know. If in distress they have telepathic abilities. These abilities can lead another superhero mom to the rescue in a flash.

At this stage of my research, my information is hugely ambiguous. I have limited knowledge on this next part. Once these creatures reach a certain age, they are set free into the wild. And the process starts again.

I did not want to put my life at any more risk to get further information. This secret society seems to be growing in numbers daily. They walk among us without our knowledge. They are anonymous until we need the help of a mom. They fly in as if riding in an invisible jet to save the day. I don’t know about you, but I am glad that these superhero moms are out here. No matter what planet they come from. They save lives one child at a time. It is not Mother’s Day. However, when you have a mom in your presence, you can feel safe. Be sure to say thank you to her and all moms. You may think that they come from another planet (and I still think they might), but they are the unsung heroes in life.

Here I sit at a fork in the road. To the left, I see sunny skies. I remind myself that sunshine does not always mean clear skies. When I look to the right, I see darkness with rain. I am aware that to see a rainbow you must get through the storm. I contemplate this complicated conundrum. I think about the decision that lies before me. Unfortunately, behind me, there is a “dust storm.” This rough weather is trying to push me into making a rash decision.

I must make my path choice. I need to pick one path for my advancement to the next challenging split in the road. So what should be done with these two choices? This challenge is made more difficult by my moving. These concerns continue to complicate my rationale. I cannot think straight because of all of these issues and concerns. The more that I try to think I over analyze. I tend to examine so carefully that I miss out on the big picture.

I have missed some spectacular “life-altering” opportunities. These lost possibilities were both in the distant and even the recent past. As I stood on the precipice, my indecision answered when I was not ready. Just like the line in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade I “chose poorly.”

My trepidation and indecision will likely cause me to miss these fantastic opportunities continually. The lack of fearlessness while facing these possibilities will regularly hold me back. Like I was on a train with no stop in sight life will continue to pass me by. I know that I must take the next step. I need to pick a road to continue my travels and stop being overly cautious. The indecision of standing still will get me nowhere. However, my apprehension will continue to keep me from enjoying the excellent opportunities that present themselves.

The Artistry of Cooking. I began cooking in middle school. I was in my early high school years before I got more serious about cooking. This initial cooking was mainly due to necessity as school felt humdrum. That feeling gave me a reason to be creative in the kitchen. My mom was a single mother and worked many hours. I knew that I needed to take on the challenge of cooking. When I cooked, I made sure that the food was ready when my mom got home from work. I made things like an open face hamburger on one piece of wheat bread. I topped the burger with steamed broccoli and Swiss cheese. I served it with a small salad on the side. I was eleven or twelve years old at the time. We did not have much money meaning my food choices were limited. My mom would always tell me that the food was creative and tasted very good. I assumed that a mother was required by law to say that. I am sure that it helped that she did not have to cook after working all day.

From an early age, I cooked a Mother’s Day meal nearly every year for my mom. I was incredibly creative, and I always tried to top the previous year’s creativity. The last Mother’s Day meal that I cooked was the year that I turned 25. Even after all those years I still surprised my mom with my creativity. As they say “practice makes perfect.”

Taste is subjective making cooking like art. You can give the same recipe to ten different people and get ten different dishes. By changing just one or two ingredients, you can change the meal entirely. I rarely used a recipe and never wrote anything down.

Cooking is like life you learn only when you make mistakes. I have known people who say that they cannot make a dish. Sometimes the reason is as simple as they don’t like a specific ingredient. I tell them to replace it with something that you enjoy. I let them know that it would change the recipe to something that they would eat. If you do not like garlic, then leave it out. Don’t like cilantro replace it with parsley. The number of recipe replacement options is unlimited. Being a cook is like falling in love. You’re all in, or you’re not in it at all.

I have several friends who often cook creatively. Sometimes they post on Facebook the meals they make. These food images bring back memories of my days of cooking. These are untrained home cooks. They remind us that preparing food takes a small leap of faith. Their actions encourage us to step outside of our comfort zone. We need to be willing to make some mistakes that are edible. In the beginning, you may even make a few things that you should not eat. However, our errors make us stronger. Real cooking is more about following your heart than following recipes.

I also learned how baking is like chemistry. There are very few ingredients that you can eliminate or replace without significant complications. Remove fruit, and you must consider the juice that you are removing. You must carefully contemplate every change that you make when you bake. Change the wrong thing, and you can get a failed product.

Enormous Epicurious Error. Throughout my life, I watched a plethora of cooking shows. I learned that home cooks tend to under-salt their food when cooking. This dilemma makes many of us over-salt our food at the table. This behavior can negatively impact our health. I have always heard chiefs say to salt the water before boiling pasta or potatoes. I later learned that they don’t mean a couple of shakes from the salt shaker. Soon I began hearing chefs say that your water should taste like the sea. I did not know what that meant. I then heard one chef say to use two tablespoons of salt in a large pot of boiling water for pasta. I tried it, and it blew me away. I now use one and a third teaspoon of salt in four cups of water. I use less water and less salt when cooking for one. Several years ago my last homemaker was helping me prepare spaghetti. She did not understand adding all of the salt. Then she tried a cooked noodle. She now adds salt in this quantity to her pasta water at home.

I believe that I am what you would call a food adventurer. I am not a picky eater as I have had some extreme food. I have eaten unique food from Greece, Thailand, Laos, and others. I tried this food without batting an eye. I am confident that in Greece they tried to gross me out, but failed. The only food aversion that I have is grapefruit. Thankfully, it is a rare fruit in the restaurant world. I have also seen very few recipes for the home cook that call for it.

I read somewhere that said that the average American buys the same few items. People tend to purchase food in their comfort zone. I would encourage everyone to buy a food product that they have never cooked before. Try this once a month. Have you ever made pot stickers? You might love them because they are easier to cook than you think. Does Rigatoni Al Segreto sound complicated to prepare and out of your skill level? It is more elementary than you might think. Remember: add or subtract as you like: “that’s just you cooking.” Now get out there and cook something new. You just might surprise yourself and your family.

I planned on doing a blog on “The Spoon Theory” and its life lessons. It is an excellent read for the unwell or for those who want to learn about people who are sick. Be aware that I have unexpectedly rushed this blog and now it is disorganized. That is what happens when you change ideas at the last minute. I still hope that you are able to enjoy and learn something from it. I also encourage you to read “The Spoon Theory.”

When I was new to my Multiple Sclerosis life, someone asked me to read a story called “The Spoon Theory.” This story talks about a girl with Lupus explaining her life with this disease to her friend. I soon learned how this story is similar to MS and other medical conditions as well. It showed how she must conserve her “spoons.” The spoons represent the energy that the sick have on a daily basis. I say the sick in general because each medical condition is both the same and different. We have to plan out our day cautiously thinking and considering as much as possible. We must each be aware and listen to our bodies. Do we have more energy in the morning? Then we need to be more productive at that time while always being mindful as not to overdo it.

If you know someone that is sick, then be aware that this thought process is occurring in their head. You need to realize that if these individuals say “no” to something, then they are running low on spoons. It probably has nothing to do with them liking you or not. Those of us who are unwell walk a tightrope every day. This tightrope lies between not enough and too much. The truly challenging part is that this line continually moves like a caffeinated Chihuahua. Something that was doing just enough yesterday may be way too much today. For the unwell, it is a constant game of pin the tail on the donkey. “Blindfolded” we try to find this line and not cross it.

Someone who is impacted by the weather must continually be aware of the forecast. Is food needed at specific times? Then preparations need to be made for meals. Pushing too much is easy and can make our recovery time lasting maybe for several days. We must listen to our bodies. Our medical condition makes us methodically plan out our day. Those who are not sick can do whatever and whenever they want. However, we are continually pondering all of these concerns. We don’t want to attract sympathy, so we calculate the “risk versus reward” in our heads. This calculating means if you see smoke billowing from our ears then give us a minute as we are thinking. At times, our brains move slower than a sloth wrestling match.

A significant portion of those that are impacted by MS has cognitive issues. The most significant repercussion of the MS cognitive concerns is the loss of our short-term memory. This symptom causes our brains to move like a snail late for a hot date. This memory loss is why we can’t remember the name that you told us thirty seconds ago. However, we can sing the entire theme song for Gilligan’s Island. “Just sit right back, and you’ll hear a tale.” Ok trust me I could sing it, but I’d probably lose “cool points.” A guy who is single does not want to lose “cool points.” Does all of this information make me woman repellant? Too late it’s out there now.

A friend and her husband were buying a car. She was telling me of their endeavor. They were looking at small SUV’s. She explained how she tried to get into each vehicle the way that I do. I grab the handle above the window and pull myself up while guiding myself onto the seat with the other hand. She told me that she did not realize how much upper body strength that I have. I appreciate that someone “gets it” from actually trying it. On youtube, some people do something called “wheelchair for a day.” For this challenge, they have to do everything that they normally do. They do all of this from a wheelchair. I have talked with other wheelchair users who also appreciate this challenge. It means something to us. A wheelchair user can explain the difficulties, but it means nothing. Comprehension takes someone attempting a specific skill. Only then will a person truly “get it.” It is the difference between telling someone how to drive a car and getting into a car and showing them how to drive said car.

One of the most “rhythmic” Multiple Sclerosis symptoms is spasticity. In its most mild form, you may see slight muscle twitching. In some of its most extreme cases, you will see these extremities jump. These muscles spring about like being juggled by a 300-pound gorilla. No matter the strength, these spasms can happen at the most inopportune times. I have seen someone with extreme muscle spasms nearly lurch out of their wheelchair. These “monster spasms” can impact nearly every minute of their lives. The other side of muscle spasms is when they merely tighten the muscles when they are not supposed to. For me, it can sometimes work in my favor. I partially stand to dress. When I stand to pull up my pants, the spasms sometimes happen as I stand. This timing makes it easy to position and stay standing longer. Other times it happens just before I stand or as I prepare to transfer. This lack of ability puts an instant halt to movement like a troll standing guard on a bridge.

Another MS symptom that is hard to see, pun intended, is vision issues. I have interacted with people at every level of the spectrum. Everything from “I can’t read that small print” to “I don’t get it! This braille does not make sense! UGH!!!” I have personally zigzagged on that spectrum like I was on a scavenger hunt. Thankfully with lousy vision, your hearing can become the focus. This better hearing makes TV watching a unique experience. For me, it is difficult to explain my visual experience because there is nothing to compare it to. I get an eye exam every year, and my vision has not changed for the past six years. However, I did not get many eye exams before that.

There are four forms of Multiple Sclerosis. The first form of MS is called Relapsing-Remitting MS or RRMS. RRMS is the most common form of MS impacting 85% of the 2.3 million patients worldwide. There are approximately 400 thousand MS patients in the United States. People with RRMS have temporary periods called relapses, flare-ups or exacerbations when new symptoms might appear. The symptoms of RRMS ebbs and flows like the tide on a full moon night.

“The next item up for bid” is Secondary-Progressive MS or SPMS. SPMS is more of a mixed bag. In SPMS the symptoms worsen more steadily over time. This worsening happens with or without the occurrence of relapses and remissions. The SPMS means that the ebbs are sporadic and the flows are perpetual. Although it’s not common, those with SPMS may experience minor remissions or plateaus in their symptoms.

The last two forms of MS are more straightforward than the others. Primary-Progressive MS or PPMS is the third type. This type of MS occurs in about 10% of people with MS. PPMS is characterized by slowly worsening symptoms from the beginning, with no relapses or remissions. Lastly is Progressive-Relapsing MS (PRMS). Occurring in 5% of MS patients it is even a more rare form of MS. PRMS is characterized by a steadily worsening disease state from the beginning, with acute relapses but no remissions, with or without recovery.

These are just a few of the many challenges that those with MS deal with on a daily basis. I would always rather see difficulties and not deficiencies. Most of us do not want special treatment though we would never refuse ice cream. Patience is essential when interacting or befriending anyone with MS or any medical condition. Remember this: be kind to us, and we’ll be good to you. As the saying goes “do unto others as you’d have done unto to you.”

I have been living with MS for seventeen years, and the challenges have been plentiful. I now try to see the humor in everything especially my MS life. I have tried to weave a lot of funny into this blog. I do this because the friends that I now have help me to see the humor in life. If you have read my blogs, I often talk about the significant benefits of having friends. There is no doubt in my mind of this fact. We, humans, are social creatures and not built for solitude. How often did you see anyone alone in the fortress of solitude?

Most of the MSers that I know agree with the quote “if you’re not laughing you’re crying.” Those of us who have had MS long enough knows that we have done too much of the later. When we are comfortable enough in our MS life, then we will often poke fun at ourselves. I hope that you have learned something from this blog. I tried to encourage you also to see the humor in everything including MS. “Laughter is the best medicine.”

The following is my rant about people, corruption and the poorest among us. I am flustered by this situation.
I am a 44-year-old guy, and I understand that there are individuals in this world who are merely bad people. As a man that is from a broken home, I comprehend that this is a fact of life. My parents were both good people in their own way. Only when I was forced to eat my vegetables can I say that my childhood was rough. When I was a kid, my best friend was a good guy. His mom was a good woman and played the role of my second mom. I spent most of my childhood time in the Boy Scouts. My father was not around very much, so the scout leaders took the job as a male role model without hesitation. The Scout leaders were excellent men and helped raise me well. They taught me everything that I needed to become the man that I am today. I keep life simple: I strive to be a kind person and to do good things. This world does not need any more negativity, hate or corruption.

I feel that sadly not everyone had positive people to help raise them. Apparently, some individuals have gotten in with the wrong crowds. A friend recently reminded me: “the company you keep does have an impact and influence on your choices.” Of course, this statement does not change as you age. Unfortunately, sometimes one small action can make their life go down an evil path. If they don’t have a good person in their life to steer them back to the correct road, then a bad person can be “born.”

It takes one wrong person to say to them “isn’t this fun?” when they steal a car. It could be the wrong group of people to say: “take these pills, and you will go places like never before.” Yes, these may be extreme scenarios, but life is not always black and white. A little greed turns into avarice very quickly. There is never enough. I am sure that most wrongdoers would not admit that they are evil people. Some do not even care what people think of them. When I am confronted by those who knowingly do bad things I am always astonished.

I was recently at my dad’s house when the cable man was coming for a cable box repair. The cable guy replaced two outdated cable boxes. I sat on the couch next to my wheelchair, and I said nothing in the beginning. I was neither surprised nor bothered when he spoke only to them and ignored me. He began to explain to them that this was going to be a fifty dollar “service call.” He told them that if they did not want to pay that fee, then they needed to sign up for a monthly five dollar per month “service contract.” If any of you who are reading this know me, then you can attest that I am a quiet person and keep to myself. I’ll finish the story when you stop laughing. Ok, it wasn’t THAT funny. I AM honestly a reticent guy.

I politely asked him why they had to pay to repair faulty equipment owned by WOW Cable. He quickly made a vague statement to me and then looked back at them to continue. He reiterated to them that to avoid the service fee. I interrupted again and said “I’m sorry, but you did not answer my question. Why do they have to pay for faulty WOW Cable equipment?” He tried to dance around the issue. I asked him if he was a contractor. He explained that he was an actual WOW Cable employee. He stated that he fills out all of his paperwork on a computer. He told how using this computer meant that he only has two options. Option one is to rob them of fifty dollars. Or option two is to steal five dollars per month over the next twelve months. Ok, that explanation was in my words to my readers only, but facts are facts. “I have personally used WOW Cable for many years and have never faced this issue,” I said. He shrugged that off avoiding me as much as possible.

The technician tried to put all of the blame on WOW Cable of course. I agree that Wow Cable is mostly to blame. Although, I believe that the technician is partly to blame as well. I’d call this preying on the elderly. He is willing to steal from those who have the least. Even if Wow told him to do this how can he say yes? If it were the choice of theft or not having a job, I would gladly be jobless. I don’t know how most people would handle if faced with this query. I would not do this for all of the money in the world. Maybe I should work at becoming more corrupt? Yeah, a snowball has a better chance at life in Brazil then me becoming corrupt.

I have a friend who I’ve known for a long time who calls me quite frequently. Occasionally I discuss my blog topics with him. I have always known him to be a pretty good guy. For a while, he even worked at his church doing a computer ministry. I was explaining this situation to him. I stated that I mostly blame WOW cable, yet I also blame the technician. When he asked why I blamed the tech I thought that he was joking. I asked him if he could steal from people like that. His answer truly astonished me. “It depends on if I would get caught,” he said. WHAT? I quickly said, “Well I guess that makes me a better person than you because I could steel.” I still thought that he was joking, but he was not kidding. He quickly changed the subject.

I honestly don’t know what to do with this information. I am flabbergasted! This behavior makes me question humanity. The Wow technician alone gives me great pause. However, adding my “friend” into the mix. Well, some days I genuinely question humankind. Are there enough of the good people out there to keep the scales tipped in our favor? This Wow tech sees eight or ten people a day. There are how many cable techs that do this? Can enough positivity be done to counteract the negative? I feel that this issue is not limited to Christianity, but more of a good versus evil thing. This issue proves that being a Christian like my friend is, does not automatically make you a good person. Just like being an agnostic does not automatically make you a bad person. Whatever the case, please make sure that your older loved ones are aware.

My neighbor Jim and his wife came over one day this past summer. They have lived next door to me for just about two years. We have waved and even briefly spoken several times. I still don’t think that I would consider them “close friends.” Although I suppose this is how friendships start. Somedays I feel like a neophyte to this thing called “friendship.” It was still great that Jim and his wife came over to palaver. It is always nice to have visitors.

After a few hours of conversation, they got up to leave. Jim said to me “by the way; I made a helicopter.” Let me stop right here and repeat that. Jim said that he “MADE” a helicopter. He told me that he wants to take me up in this ‘whirlybird’ of his. However, as a wheelchair user who likes to be in control, my trepidation runs deep. I am not even sure why you would want to make a helicopter. We have all of this technology today that makes everything extremely safe. I suppose that if you desire “living on the edge,” just leave me out of it. I thought that, but I did not say it.

I guess that is part of having a friend sometimes doing things that they want to do as well. I am trying hard to rationalize my thoughts and feelings about this. My first ride in a helicopter will be in this creation of his. Naturally, I should not assume his skill level on building a helicopter. He may, in fact, know what he is doing. He may have done extensive research on helicopter construction. Jim seems like a smart guy and building a helicopter is a big deal. Any rational person would have started ten years ago learning everything that they could about aeronautics.

Later that next afternoon Jim came over to take me to his helicopter. “You should know that I have never been in a helicopter before,” I told him. “Oh, you’re going to love It,” he said. “When I am up there flying, I get a feeling of total freedom.” He explained. “I get that,” I said. “Since YOU are flying YOU are in control,” I said. I explained that as a wheelchair user I want to be in control. I pointed out that I made sure that my wheelchair had flip-up push handles. These handles keep people from randomly pushing me without asking. I explained that I have never had this problem, but I know wheelchair users that have dealt with this. “I tell you what,” he said, “If you would like I can start teaching you to fly my chopper.” He said. “That is nice of you, but first let’s see how today goes,” I said while smiling.

When we arrived at the airport, we stopped in front of a small airplane hangar. Although I think that it was a hangar for a single plane, it was still smaller than I expected. It looked like a real airplane hangar had a baby. As Jim opened the hangar doors the screeching doors and all of the rust reminded me that this building was pretty old. At the sight of this homemade beast, my fear settled deep. It felt like fear was a six-foot bodybuilder that punched me in the gut. This punch took the wind out of me. I was correct about his mechanical construction skills. This helicopter of his looked like he used spare Erector Set parts to build it. Let me say to any of my younger readers; you will have to look up “Erector Set.” The first Erector Set sold in 1913. Look up to see those early models. It was an excellent toy for kids.

He told me that he had done extensive research over the past year. He explained that he also had taken an auto shop class in high school. “Wait, what?!” I asked. “I would guess that you are my age?!” I said. “No, I’m younger than you are,” he said. “I’m only 39 years old.” He explained. “WHAT?” I said, “You took that class over twenty years ago!” I exclaimed. This conversation went on for several minutes. He explained that it is a hobby that he has been invested in since that shop class so long ago. He told how he could get a job doing airplane maintenances professionally. “The problem is that they have strict rules and regulations,” he said. He explained how those rules do not allow him to be creative.

The seat that he wanted me to sit in was too high for me. This elevation would not allow me to transfer onto this bench seat seamlessly. Jim said, “Jump in!” as he turned away to look at the flight controls. I simply stared at him with a straight face. I was trying like crazy not to crack a smile or laugh. After a few seconds, he looked back at me while talking. He stopped and had a look of terror on his face. Jim apologized profusely and then asked me how he could help. I began laughing out loud and told him how even my mom often forgot in the beginning. “I get to make fun of you for a while for this Jim!” I said while laughing. He saw that I had a sense of humor about my situation. At that moment he too saw the humor in it. From then on we both found the funny in everything. Jim, “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” I said quoting Casablanca.

As the “helicopter” took off Jim yelled: “We’re off to see the wizard!” Funny enough, his sporadic flight path made me think more of flying monkeys. The engine made a noise that sounded like ice in a garbage disposer. The loud “crunching” engine sounds made me glance at Jim with a look of consternation. He seemed to have a lackadaisical attitude towards all of these irregular helicopter sounds. “I think this is exactly how it feels to be in a flying blender,” I said. Jim looked at me and said, “How did you know that I used a Kitchenaid blender to make the engine?” He said with a straight face. After a few seconds, he began to laugh. I told him as I also laughed “You should not make jokes like that until we safely land.” He quickly said, “I thought that you put your ‘big boy’ pants on before this flight?” We both laughed. Other than the semi-regular crunching sounds, the ride was not bad.

He explained how the view from this height is unmatched. “Even in a small two-seater airplane you cannot hover in place to get a better look at something,” he said. We flew around town for a while. As we flew along in his helicopter, I began to hear a different sound. This sound was louder than all of the sounds before. I looked at Jim, and he quickly said: “Everything is okay.” Now I am not a panicky person. My friend has been in nearly ten helicopter crashes in the Marine Corps. The fact that he was in these helicopter crash landings and survived helped me not to be afraid.

Eventually, this louder clanging turned into a slight “helicopter wobble.” I looked at Jim while smiling and said: “I used to wobble when I walked and it wasn’t good then either.” “It’s okay we were heading back anyway. Things may be rocking, but as long as the rotors are spinning correctly we’re good,” He said trying to reassure me. It felt like he was trying to encourage himself as well. We were over an open field, so there was no significant concern. However, soon we left the open area.

Jim began to follow the roads and fly lower than one would expect. These were the back roads, so we did not scare that many cars. As we came to the airfield, the helicopter began to ‘sway.’ We crept up to the location for our landing, and we began to descend slowly. At four feet above-the-ground the rotors just stopped. This action caused us to drop like a rock. This plummet was short, but it shook us both pretty hard. My head was ringing. I began to check all of my body parts like a robot going through a systems check. After what seemed like an eternity, Jim called out, “Scott, are you ok?” I quickly shouted: “I’m good! Are you OK?” “I’m OK, thanks.” He proclaimed. After we both sat up, Jim carefully stood up. He was unsteady on his feet like a fawn taking its first steps.

The First Responders moved faster than 75 inch TVs for $100 at a Best Buy Christmas sale. They ran to us expeditiously with medical bags in hand. They began to check us over methodically. I told Jim while smiling “a crash that you can walk away from is always good in my book. However, if I can walk away from it, then it’s a miracle.” Jim laughed and then said “this wasn’t a crash, it was a rough landing. Don’t worry though I will get this chopper running again in a couple of weeks. Then we can go up again.” He said honestly. I smiled and said, “Let’s play it by ear.”

A few days later I visited Jim at home. I handed him a gift wrapped in brown paper. “What’s this?” he questioned. “It’s not my birthday.” He said. “Just open it. It is self-explanatory.” I said while smiling. As he ripped the package open, he found a book on aeronautics. Inside the front cover was a note that said “I think you missed a chapter. Now you can go back and reread it.” “That’s not funny. I’m the smartest helicopter pilot that you know.” He said while laughing. “That’s not saying much. You are the ONLY helicopter pilot that I know” I exclaimed while tears of laughter rolled down my face. His wife walked into the room and said: “you two have problems!” He and I continued to belly laugh. True friends just ‘get it.’

So my first helicopter ride, to put it mildly, was “less than stellar.” I think that Jim changed my world a little that day. I don’t readily socialize and make friends. However, I made a good friend that day. He extended a hand of kindness to me and brought this introvert out of his shell. He did not hesitate to share something that was important to him. He shared it with someone that he barely knew. Maybe we helped each other that day. I reciprocated his kindness. I showed how trust builds friendships. We trusted each other, and our faith in each other made a difference in our lives.

Some of this story is fact, and some of it is fiction. I said a while back: “life is better with hiking boots” and that is still true. However, life is much better with great friends. I lost some friends because of the move. I am working on gaining great friends since the move. In life, great friends are worth their weight in gold.

The following is a brief blog entry talking about my current “move status.” I have been in this new house and neighborhood for less than two weeks now. Sadly, I feel out of place. My socioeconomic background feels a little lower on the scale than my current neighborhood. I understand that most people will say that these feelings of mine are simply silly. However, I cannot change the way that I feel like a person changes their socks. I am cognizant of the fact that everyone has problems and issues. Naturally, that fact includes those in this neighborhood as well. I even realize that a few others in this neighborhood might feel the same way that I do. I just feel a little awkward and a bit out of place.

I feel like my life is like Sesame Street. “One of these kids is doing his own thing. Can you tell me which one before my song is done?” In this neighborhood, I feel like the only nickel in a pile of quarters. Sometimes I feel like the one clump of crabgrass in an otherwise blemish-free lawn.

I hear the freeway at night making sleep a challenge. However, when I am exhausted, I do sleep a bit more than “very little.” In the eleven days that I have been here, actual decent sleep has only occurred three times. The big-bad Marine side of me says: “Sleep? I don’t need no stinking sleep!” The MS side of me vehemently disagrees. I suppose that to get a good night’s sleep I should run around in the backyard to burn off some energy before bed. I know that the longer that I am here I will get used to the sounds both at night and the daytime. It’s just that sleep eludes my capture like trying to catch one leaf in a wind storm.

Now, if any of you are reading this blog and believe that I need a pet, then you don’t understand my wheelchair life. When you are in a wheelchair caring for a pet, a plethora of complications emerge. For example, I do not need a pet to run over or clean up after. Picking up a dog “mess” when he did not make it outside or trying to clean a litterbox are both challenging situations. These are just two of the many complications of having a pet while living in a wheelchair.

These are just my feelings currently. I know the saying that “time heals all.” I also know that this is merely a “speedbump” in life and that things will get better. It would help if things got better quickly. I think if I fall asleep in swim class and I drown they would frown upon that. If I’m not mistaken, you’re not even allowed to SAY the “D” word in the pool. I’m also afraid to know the “punishment” for falling asleep in church. Maybe they give you a holy water swirly? Or do they send you on a walk-through of the “bad place” reminding you to mind your P’s and Q’s? All in all, I have heard it a million times “it will get better.” I’m just tired of waiting. Get it? TIRED of waiting? OK, maybe I’m just getting a little “slap happy.”

Until my move is complete, this will be my last blog. This blog is a comparison of “a day in the life” of now vs. then. I have not included anything dark as I don’t want to relive that time anymore. All in all this blog may feel pointless to you. However, because of my move, I don’t have the mental focus for a decent blog. Of course, what is a worthy blog? If you read any of my other posts, you will see that I don’t know.

This blog shows “a day in the life” of my MS current average Monday. These times are estimates, but because I am a creature of habit they are pretty close.

The alarm goes off at 6:45 am. I want to hit snooze, but the Marine Corps and my mom eliminated ‘snooze’ from my vocabulary. I eat breakfast while listening to an audiobook. I take eight different vitamins and two prescriptions during my morning meal. After I eat, I rinse my bowl and spoon and put them in the dishwasher. At 7:25 I go in and brush my teeth, shave my head and trim my beard. I go into my office at 8:05 and work on my next few blog entries. At 9 am I make sure that all of my swim stuff is in my backpack. I do this so that I can get ready to leave for my swim class.

At 9:48 I show up at the rec center. I get dressed so that I can get into the pool by 10:00. I begin doing the exercises specific to my needs. The entire time that I am in the pool I exercise my legs. I have three different leg and ankle exercises to focus on different muscles. After all three of these are done I rest for one minute. At this point, I start this process again. I do this routine for about 15 minutes, and then I relax for two full minutes before starting all over again. No matter if there is someone to talk with or not I continue to do these exercises. I follow this regiment because I have regularly seen significant benefits. My instructor and my classmates both have mentioned the changes that they have seen in my abilities.

There is occasionally someone sitting next to where I sit, and I try to chat. Socializing with strangers is very difficult for me. By 10:44 the other class members begin to arrive. My classmates usually say hello, and occasionally we talk before class. Someone explained to me that these ladies feel that it is wrong for a married woman to stand next to and speak with a single guy. This attitude must be an age thing as they are about in their 70’s. At 10:57 we all start to move to the class. For the next 50 minutes to an hour, we have class. After class, I swim a few laps in the lap swim area. I do my best to get every bit of fitness that can. When my laps are complete I get out of the pool, take a shower and get dressed.

By 12:50 pm I leave the rec center and I head home. At approximately 1:11 I arrive back at home and eat lunch. Since I am starving, I have a couple of frozen burritos. These burritos only take two minutes and thirty seconds in the microwave. This fast-cooking means that I can eat sooner. For the next fifteen minutes, I eat the burritos. I also continue listening to my audiobook. When I am done eating lunch, I rinse my plate and put it in the dishwasher.

At 2 pm my friend calls. He has a new job that starts at 3. He drives to work early and wants someone to talk to while he waits. I am the lucky ‘chosen one’ to play his listening post. At 3 I take a brief 20-minute power nap. Yes, a nap that short works. Studies show that you do not need to actually “sleep,” but merely rest your eyes and brain. So at 3:28 I resume working on my blogs. No, that is not an eight-minute snooze I just move “slower than a heard of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.” I typically work on up to five blog entries at a time. One would THINK that if I am putting so much time in on these blogs that they would be good. Ha, I have you fooled, and you would be wrong. This blog rotation keeps my brain fresh for each blog. Some of these blogs I work on for a while and end up putting them on the back burner. Occasionally I just delete them after significant work on them.

I usually watch a few hours of TV throughout the day. I also set the alarm to remind myself to get up and do a few standing leg exercises. I make sure that this happens every hour so that my leg muscles keep the blood flowing.

At 4:42 pm I go into the kitchen to make dinner. I try to eat something fresh, but that is not always possible. Let me explain something: I still eat horribly. This lousy eating habit has several reasons. First, it is laziness. It is much easier to open and drain a can of corn or cook a TV dinner. I serve these meals with flavored seltzer water, and that is my meal. Second, I get no enjoyment from cooking only for myself. So as I said before “food is a survival thing. It is not about taste right now.” Lastly, it is a habit. After lunch and dinner, I like something sweet. If I don’t have fresh fruit on hand, then the something sweet is a Larabar.

At about 8 pm I stop working on the blogs. At this point, the words just do not come together correctly. So I start watching TV or do my bills. I also have a 501c3 charity that I work on throughout the day. I continue doing this until 9:15. At that point, I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth, take my evening vitamins and prescriptions while still listing to my audiobook. At 10 pm I go into my bedroom and prep for bed. I crawl into bed to visit the Sandman at about 10:20 pm.

A day in the life of the “dark days.”
The following is an average day in the life during my dark days. Sadly, this could be any day as they were mostly all the same.

I wake up at 1 pm. I eat a 2 oz bowl of cereal with milk for breakfast. I rinse my bowl and spoon. I set it on a towel on the counter to dry ready for the next meal. I sit on the couch and watch TV. At 6 pm I eat lunch. Lunch is a can of green beans with some Italian dressing on top. I rinse the bowl making it ready for my next meal. I continue to watch TV. At 11 pm I make a box of mac and cheese for dinner. I split it into thirds as it will feed me for three meals. After I eat, I rinse the bowl and fork then I set it on top of the counter. At midnight I quickly check the mail. I watch TV until I go to bed at 2 am. WOW, that was quick. Man, I was one boring guy!

To the average person, my schedule now looks very inactive. However, compared to ten years ago my new daily routine is busy. This example shows how ten years ago time ran together. It was a stretch to come up with the times for ten years ago. However, for the recent years, it was pretty simple. Lastly, I know that the time for the first part seems absurdly exact. I am showing that I am a creature of habit. It is also the time of the day with very little traffic on the roads. My life has changed in a significant way in the past five years. “Oh, these times they are a ‘changin’.”

The first three parts of this blog were simple to write. I merely wrote things down in the order that they occurred. ‘A’ happened before ‘B’ which happened before ‘C,’ so the task of writing those blogs was simple. However, today’s blog is not as clear-cut. Instead of the chronological order of events, it is a group of my experiences since “the fog” lifted. This is my new beginning.

This blog shows just how far that I have come. I have gone from the “darkest of darks” to the “ball of sunshine” that I am today. Stop laughing at that! I am a BIG ball of sunshine! Seriously though, life has gotten much better for me. I now have the friends that I have not had in years. I am active in my church. I exercise in the pool three times per week. I am beginning to accept the concept of asking others for help. However, this attitude of acceptance is a work in progress.

I occasionally deal with interesting people in public. I was in a doctor’s waiting room several months back when the gentleman sitting next to me started a conversation. For the record, I often think about the quote “it’s better to keep your mouth closed and appear stupid, rather than opening your mouth and removing all doubt.” This guy said to me “I know exactly what you are going through. I was in a wheelchair for two months because of…” I do not remember why as I was perplexed by his puzzling point. I am a nice guy and did not say what I was thinking. However, it is an inconvenience to be in a wheelchair for two months. On the other hand, being in a chair permanently is a lifestyle. I let things go “like water off a ducks back.”

A married couple decided to treat me to lunch. The waitress came and took the order of the husband and his wife. Instead of asking me for my order she looked at the husband and asked “and what would he like?” nodding my direction. The husband quickly pointed to me and said: “ask him.” Now at times, I can be sarcastic. I WANTED to say in a baby voice “I WANT PASGHETTI!” Instead, I simply said, “I’ll have the salmon.” There are a plethora of stories like these from the last five years. If you have a great attitude and a good sense of humor like I do, they make you laugh. Or do they make you disappointed at society? As they say “if you’re not laughing, you’re crying.” Personally, I’ve done too much of the second so I’ll just laugh.

The good thing is that the majority of people out there are kind and helpful. Most people hold the doors for me, and I appreciate that. People help in various other ways as well, reach something off of the top shelf for me. It could also be that I always try to have a great attitude. I have been told that I have a great smile. When I leave the house, I may be missing something, but I always wear my smile. Said in a Scottish accent: “They may take my socks, but they’ll never take…MY SMILE!” that was a Braveheart reference. I give that a 6.5 on the humor scale, but hey I always try.

I currently attend a water fitness class. I continually see significant benefits from this aqua movement class. The instructor has given me several exercises that are specific to my needs. These exercises help keep my arms at peak performance. Since I “walk” with my arms I focus a lot of time strengthening my upper body. The instructor has also allowed me the time to do some exercises alone if I choose. The class is a one hour class. However, I show up to the pool an hour early. I start this early to allow myself to begin focusing on my specific needs. The aquatic teacher realizes that my independence is important to me. She has also taught me several “self-rescue” techniques. These skills allow me to keep my independence even in the water.

This regiment shows how I exercise three times a week for two hours each day. This weekly six-hour routine gives me a total body workout. I hope to grow up to be big and strong one day. I have even done a 5K in my wheelchair. Fitness is now an essential part of my life. I often tell people that if they do not keep their bodies moving, they will “rust.” I think that wheelchair users forget that they too need to exercise. Exercising in the water allows each person to target their specific needs. There is a quote that someone told me “Run if you can. Walk if you have to. Crawl if you must. Just never give up!” I try to live this principle.

When I grocery shop now I buy food like this: I buy three to four days’ worth of canned foods. This canned food may be corn, green beans, and Chef Boyardee. I always keep on hand, two jars of spaghetti sauce and four boxes of spaghetti noodles. I buy three days’ worth of TV dinners. Of course, I always buy fresh fruit. I also buy nearly a week’s worth of things from the deli. Lunch meat, chicken tenders, and pasta salads. I only drink seltzer water. I always have powdered milk on hand. I make four cups at a time, so that it never spoils. I also keep plenty of breakfast cereal on hand.

I have been in my current home for nearly twenty years. My house was built in the 1950’s, and at that time houses had no ADA concerns. I am currently building a new house that will be wheelchair accessible. The washer and dryer are going to be on the first floor making laundry an option for me. The main part of the kitchen will be standard height. I found that some essential features would be lost if I chose an ADA height kitchen. The kitchen island will be ADA height for my ease of use. The light switches will all be brought down to fit my height needs. All of the outlets will be raised to meet my requirements. The thermostat will be installed at my eye level. All of this helps me keep my independence.

I appreciate that the wheelchair ramp will be in the garage. This hidden ramp is a security feature. Passersby will not easily see that a disabled person lives there. This ramp will also be protected from the weather and its degrading effects. Another substantial benefit is that the neighborhood has sidewalks. There is a community center for residents and their guests that is one mile away. This distance gives me a reason to get out and “stretch my arms.” Another important perk is that most things are incredibly close.

For several years I have been making my house into a “smart home.” These smart capabilities seemed superfluous when I first heard of them. Now I see the numerous benefits to those in predicaments like mine. I plan to make my new house “smarter” than my current house. I will be moving into this new house any day now. I am building a “house.” Having a family will make it a “home.”

It has been nearly 16 years since I have dated. I have been contemplating the idea of dating. I have tried the online dating sites with no luck. I am just too introverted. To date online you must be outgoing. A friend suggested that I use a matchmaker service and that is my plan. Interestingly several years ago a buddy informed me that “when dating you will get 100 NO’s before you get a YES.” I am currently still in the low numbers meaning that my yes is still a long way off. However, I am “positive” that I will be married again. Sometimes Opportunity Knocks. I used to let it pass me by, like a guy watching a parade. However, it knocked recently, and we had a brief conversation. Inevitably I walked away from this opportunity like a knucklehead. This action shows that I am getting better at socializing, but still not enough. “Today is better than yesterday but not as good as tomorrow.”

I heard someone say, “The only difference between adventure and adversity is attitude.” I now do my best to always have a positive attitude. Stress will always be a major concern in my MS life. I try to keep an overly positive attitude about everything. If someone treats me poorly, I simply brush it off. I still have had bumps in the road causing stress. However, having friends helps minimize the impact of said stress.

I am a little nervous about the move to my new house. I know that it will be an extremely stressful situation. I’m not yet sure how to deal with this hazardous and harmful hardship. The anxiety from a move is also longer lasting. As I said, friends help minimize the impact of the stress. Whether they realize it or not my friends have helped reduce some of the small stresses in my life. My concern is that this anguish will be more significant. I am a planner, so I hope that my preventative preparation has helped. I do fear this transition.

I have been to the “other side.” It is an extremely dark and scary place that no human should ever be. I still deal with MS issues on a daily basis as MS is now my life. I still have frustrating and occasionally infuriating moments. Like most people, the “reflection” on life can cause distress or laughter. Life for all of us can create extreme joy or deep sadness. The difference is that I no longer feel alone, and that changes everything.

To my readers, please be aware that this is the darkest part of my MS story. I tried to keep the first two parts light like a dramedy. However, this part is more of a horror story. This is my story no matter how dark. “It is darkest before the dawn.”

In 2004 I had to stop working because of my MS. All of my friends had disappeared. I felt embarrassed and ashamed to be seen in public. I kept the window blinds of my house closed never opening them for any reason. I would not check the mail until well after dark. My mailbox was just an arm’s reach out of my door. I also would not take out the trash until after dark. Using the garage door opener, I would open the door. The light would automatically come on for thirty seconds. This timed light meant that I had thirty seconds to take out the trash and get back into the house. When I had to take it to the curb, I would wait until very late at night.

I regularly played the song “I Wish it Would Rain” by the Temptations. There were several other songs, but that one had a much deeper meaning to me. I would go weeks without seeing another person. My walking had become extremely “wobbly.” I did not believe it until one day I noticed a dark gray line throughout my house. I realized that this dark line on my white walls was from my hands. As I walked through the house, I would use the walls to help stabilize myself. These actions are what we MSers call “wall-walking.”

I had been in this depression now for four years. At this point, I began to slide farther down this deep dark hole of sadness. I met a guy a long time ago who could get you anything that you requested. He is not the type of person to call or hang out with after work. This guy is someone from the dark underbelly of the city. I called him up and hesitated to say anything. He said: “What do you need, green?” “No,” I said, “I’ve never done drugs in my life.” After a brief silence, I said “something shiny and metal.” I could not even bring myself to say it. I could not believe this idea that was running through my head. “I’ve got just what you need. I’ll be over in a couple of hours,” he said.

When he showed up, he had a sports bag slung over his shoulder. He sat in my chair and put the bag on the floor. He pulled out a small handgun. “How many bullets do you want?” I thought to myself, one? “I don’t know?” I questioned. “Just one box is probably enough,” he said. We talked for a few minutes. He asked several questions. “So, where did you get this gun?” he asked. He did not want this gun to be able to be traced back to him. So I assured him that it could not be traced back to him. I explained that I made up the fact that I found the gun in my backyard while I was mowing. “That’s good,” He said. As he left, he said, “Let me know if you need anything else.” I thought to myself: how about we hang out for a bit? I longed for human interaction. I sat on the couch looking at this thing for a while. I put it on my lap and began to weep thinking of my plans.

I continually kept that “hunk of metal” on my mind. I would often go into the bedroom and look at it. I would regularly pick up the gun to make sure that it was loaded. Then one day I brought it out and set it on my lap. I kept hearing this voice in my head reminding me that I was alone. I sat there thinking about the best way to do this. Is it better in the mouth, the temple or under the chin? One minute I’m holding this thing up to my head with my finger on the trigger. The next minute I’m crying because I can’t do it. Life felt hopeless.

One day I got excited because my friend and his wife were coming to visit. Life is better with friends. I can make it. Friends make you stronger. I see them maybe once a year, but still, they are friends. When they arrived, we sat in the living room. He and I talked as his wife looked around. I could see the judgment on her face. She said, “You’re lucky. I would love not to have to work.” I kept quiet because I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to tell her that I would trade my situation for hers in a heartbeat. I needed to explain to her that you would not think that I was lucky if you understood that I rarely see friends or family. I wanted to say that it honestly hurts to be alone. However, I said nothing.

They stayed for about a half an hour before they left. Was I excited for this? This visit did not have the positive impact that I thought that it should. I thought that if I got to see friends if I got to see people, I would feel better, but I still hurt. This is not friendship. I felt like the walls were closing in. It felt like the air was thicker making it hard to breathe. I wanted it to stop. The pain was unbearable. Pressing the cold metal of this gun against my temple, I could end this hurt. I could eliminate the loneliness. Every time I thought I could do it, but no. I felt like a coward again. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Let me say this so that I can take a breather. I know that I am in a better situation. This story is still difficult to tell. I’m much stronger than I was back then. I read how talking about a tragic situation like this could be beneficial. It was told that writing this story down could be helpful to the writer as well as the reader. When I wrote this blog entry, there were plenty of stories that I just could not discuss. There is a stigma to depression. I did not want to tell my story because I did not want anyone to judge me. I did not want people to look at me like I was weak. However, a friend reminded me that some people are going to judge you no matter what. She explained that my story shows people that life is not all “kittens and rainbows.” I am glad that I am here to tell my story.

Although my depression lasted nearly ten years, the suicidal depression persisted for only seven years. These are just a few of my stories. I could not put them all in this three-page blog. All in all, I missed my 30s because of this feeling of deep sadness. Time seemed to drag on. During this dark time, I rarely saw doctors. A doctor visit seemed useless since I did not know how long that I would be on this Earth. Gradually the darkness began to lift enough for my mom to notice. She quickly got me connected with the Stephen Minister program at GCUMC. After nearly a year my Stephens Minister invited me to the church. People at the church welcomed me with hugs and handshakes. I felt the love and kindness that I had not felt in 10 years.

If you, who are reading this are going through darkness of your own, hold tight. I know that it is difficult, but search out a church or a social group. Find people who will welcome you and love you for who you are. Kindness, love, and friendship will fill all of those places in your heart that were hurting. I promise that you will find that. I have been where you are. Just hang on.

If you are lucky enough not to know what it is like to be surrounded by darkness, I am telling you that someone near you needs your support. They need it today. They need it desperately. Share your kindness. Talk with them, and get to know them. Trust me-compassion is all it takes to save a life.