Month: March 2024

Lurking devil in the darkness…

~ myramblings74 ~ 1 Comment

Did you know that 988 is the phone number of the suicide and crisis hotline, so call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org/chat. I recently learned that some of my readers struggle with issues and demons I fought with years ago. We all understand if individuals are battling beasts in the open, then others are raging wars alone in the shadows. I want you all to know that you are not alone on this battlefield, and I hope to say the correct words to help. I have been to the edge and pondered that prolific plunge, yet came back stronger and wiser, remaining on the green side of the grass. Friends and family make a difference, but it takes speaking up to enact change and recovery. For many avenues of help, you need to reach out and start the conversation.

I went through many years of a deep, dark depression that tried to encourage me to visit and leap from the ledge. This game between darkness and light stole my thirties, never to return them as time only progresses and never regresses. The onslaught occurred as the angel and devil on either shoulder taunted me ruthlessly. Although this atrocity was a lengthy war, the deadly battle did not reach the dark side’s desired conclusion. The following helped and continues to help me, and I hope others can learn from my time in perdition and reentry into society.

I have met people with families who are as useless as waterproof beach towels, and to them, I say learn your Facebook options. Do not be someone with two thousand Facebook friends you do not know or talk with most of them. Instead, go to your FB timeline and post that you are struggling and need to speak with someone, as many good people will talk. I am optimistic that you will receive a helpful response quickly, but do not stop there and request a private conversation with them.

You can join Facebook groups for whatever you can imagine and post looking for someone to talk with privately too. As a member of fifteen groups primarily focused on multiple sclerosis, I learned that 75% of MS patients are women. So three of the groups are men’s groups which get together twice weekly to video chat. If one gentleman is having a dreadfully difficult day, everyone will listen to that person, as many times, compassionate ears are all they need. With these Facebook clubs, camaraderie is crucial, and fellowship is fundamental, while everything is essential for the well-being of all involved.

To help with brain balance, you must overload your brain with enthusiastic endorphins. These positive peptides resemble opiates in the brain and raise the pain threshold. This action significantly and positively affects one’s mental agility, benefiting the overall outlook on life. Friendships are a great way to boost your endorphins to aid your cognitive modulation. For me, it started slowly, with one friend who reintroduced me to the art of socialization. He would visit my house once per week until he eventually enticed me to venture into public with offers of savory sustenance. Of course, I still felt shame, but my new buddy did not back down from the challenge of encouraging me to open up to the possibilities of life.

Laughing is another way to boost and induce more of the body’s positive mind manipulators. Eventually, I made more friends, which helped me remember how to laugh and enjoy life. Good friends can encourage your tear ducts to dump buckets of face-drenching tears as you pound on the table and cry out with laughter. These new compadres helped me make fun of this arguing devil and angel and see the humor in everything. This idea was helpful to me, as I could then forget about all of my sorrows and past while focusing on my new friends and positive life outlook.

Exercise and meditation can also help your mental wellness, as they did and continue to do for me. For those of us with MS, there can be a fine line between doing too much and not enough exercise. What is worse is that this line bounces like a caffeinated Chihuahua on a pogo stick, rarely staying in the same place. Meditation helped me to guide my mental monsters out of my brain while organizing my thoughts. The practice of this quiet rumination can be challenging, especially for those of us with busy brain syndrome. The key for both is to simply stay the course.

Here is the deal: I am not a therapist, nor do I play one on TV, but this is my opinion as a survivor of dreadful thoughts. I know that life’s challenges and struggles can cause a powerful depression that can envelop your existence. I understand that depression is different for everyone, and every person deals with it differently. However, I feel that one of the most critical factors in healing and recovery from depression is communication. Discuss your issues with family, talk with friends, or communicate with teachers, but most importantly, do not leave loved ones in the dark.

988 is the suicide and crisis hotline.

And the truth, shall set you free!!!

~ myramblings74 ~ 2 Comments

I share the true stories of my MS life with any person perusing my papers to show how in life I deal with the good, bad, or ugly. I want people to see that no matter their concerns, bad news medically, or just a person in a mood of constant negativity, we will make it together. My hope is that when people read my words, they feel encouragement and inspiration slathered with a thick, meaty layer of hope. They should gain the confidence to stand with their heads held high and understand they are not alone in their difficulties.

I never want my writing to sound boastful or braggadocious when I share positive stories about gifts I receive. Some have said that I share too much, but the anonymity of the Internet and my belief that no one is concerned about me say they are incorrect. I do not have secrets about my MS life, as I have shared my most embarrassing moments, and people overlooked and disregarded them. When discussing my life, the good comes with the bad, while personality, attitude, and perception make the difference, along with a dash of self-deprecation.

I told everyone how for me to move to Florida, the planets and moon aligned perfectly, while the administration of veterans helped significantly. This perfect planetary positioning has continued as I have begun receiving help in various ways, such as grants and various programs. I lived here for the first ten months with very little assistance, yet when the floodgates of aid opened, it began a torrential downpour of help. Although they are the roadblocks of the Veterans Administration, I am forced to dance across a red tape tightrope like a ballerina on opening night.

In Ohio, I often went two weeks without seeing another human, making me depressingly lonely and bored, with no way to ameliorate my unhappiness. Life moved very slowly at the time, so having more than one doctor’s appointment in a week was a rarity, let alone several in a day, like in Florida. Because I avoided the snow and cold, I clustered my appointments in late spring or early summer, avoiding the worst weather. My time in Ohio was an extremely melancholy existence filled with isolation, desolation, and starvation from human interaction.

Although the Veterans Administration is paying to have my house remodeled and helping me attain an accessible vehicle, there is a ton of work for me. There is a shocking amount of work for veterans to do their part in this accessible rehabilitation reconstruction request. As these rules change frequently and get shared rarely, keeping up by shucking and jiving while following the rules as best as possible is a laborious task. What makes things even more complicated is that the rules for all programs differ and rarely concur with each other.

So, as I sit here in Florida, there is an exhausting tug-of-war going on in my brain between not doing enough and doing too much. I lived for so long in Ohio with nothing to do. I am in my new home with five times the amount of work, making me intensely overwhelmed. Not yet have I been able to organize all my medical appointments and set them into an annual routine for convenient consistency. Depleted, drained, and weakened, and though difficult, I must carry on completing the remodeled remodification.

I say all of that to share this: I divided my time between very few things in Ohio, and the only thing I worked on was my blog. Although I ate three meals a day, nothing used up my time more than my writing as I put pen to paper ten hours every fifteen-hour day. Because of my excessive writing, I posted a blog once per week, although the quality lacked quite a bit of pizzazz. However, that was then, and now, it is a whole new ball game in Florida where there is much more to do and take up my time.

I am now in my new home state of Florida, where a smorgasbord of tasks begs my attention, pulling me away from my writing. A plethora of duties monopolizes my day, minimizing the time I can write each day. I genuinely enjoy every aspect of my writing process, so I will continue to write, but my writing may not be as good and punctual, or I am just my own worst critic. However, I am still considering writing a book. Although the idea is rolling around in my head, it is ambiguous and murky at best, so we will see what the future holds.

These times, they are a changin’