Yule crack up…

Those of you, who know me, know that I am an honest person. Honest to a fault, some might say. So when I tell you this story, you know that I am being “honest”. WAIT! I don’t know where those quotation marks came from, sorry. Just know that I am telling you the “truth”. There they are again, those annoying quotation marks! Anyway, here are the “facts”…Ugh, of the story.
Over the summer I was on vacation. I cannot tell you the location, but it was sunny and hot, so you know that I LOVED it. Later you will see why I can’t say where I was. Anyway, I was sitting at a table, next to the pool of this gorgeous hotel. I saw a guy who was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses. He was drinking an iced tea, reading while relaxing poolside. He had a white beard that was pretty long, which was surprising for a hot vacation spot, like this. He actually looked a lot like Santa Claus. So much so, that I kind of laughed at the thought. I wanted to talk to him, but I am a shy and quiet guy and did not want to “bother” this gentleman. However, several of my friends are constantly urging me, to step outside of my comfort zone and simply talk with people. So I decided to interrupt his reading. I asked him if he minded if I sat next to him and talked with him for a bit. He said “sure Scott”, and winked, “have a seat”. I asked, “How do you know my name?” He simply smiled and said, “I have been to your house many times, you are one of the good ones on my list.” I thought about that for a minute and then shrugged it off. Surely he would explain that a bit later. I said, “Do you realize that you look like…er…uh…Santa Claus?” He roared with laughter and said, “I’ve heard that, a time or two.” (Let me explain to my readers, his laugh was very…“Jolly”) We sat there for an hour or so, snacking on delicious finger sandwiches, drinking iced tea and talking about everything under the sun. The more that we talked, the more that I realized, this WAS Santa Clause! How could this be? I mean…I guess Santa needs a vacation too. He knew that I had figured it out. Just then a young kid came around the corner and said “hey…” he stopped when he saw me and then looked back and said, “hey, Dad I scheduled you and Mom for a massage at 2 P.M.” As the kid was talking, I looked him over a bit. I knew that this MUST have been one of Santa’s elves. I could not see his ears because they were covered up by his hat. It is hard to explain, but I was pretty sure…no, I was POSITIVE, he was one of Santa’s elves.
“Since I know who you are, and you know that I know who you are; can I ask you a few questions that I’ve always wanted to know?” I asked. He laughed, then took another drink of his iced tea, and said, “Sure, no one will believe all of this anyway”. “I’d like to ask you about your “delivery” job.” I winked, trying to help keep his “secret identity”? “You deliver all over the world, so how many languages do you speak?” I asked. Again he laughed and said “I actually speak fewer than you might think,” he said. “Remember, while I am in these other countries, it is at night while everyone is asleep”. Then he winked and said, “and don’t forget, I now have Google Translate.” Laughing he said, “Even an old man like me, knows about Google”. I laughed out loud at that.
“Well, I have also wondered, with all of the advancements in technology, why don’t you just order and deliver through Amazon,” I asked. He sat back and laughed (he laughed so often that, it made me laugh a lot too). “First, we still make more toys, by hand, than you might think,” he said. “Plus, there are 7.5 billion people on earth, now subtract out those on my naughty list. Do you think that Amazon and shipping companies could handle that?” I laughed at that and said, “good point, I didn’t think of that”. “So then how do you do it?” I asked. “Scott, do you remember when you went to Philmont Scout Ranch?” He asked. (I guess he IS always watching) I said, “Of course I do. I will never forget those 12 days of backpacking in the southern part of the Rocky Mountains.” “And how did you get your food?” he asked. I explained that we carried the food in our backpacks. “Yes, but not all 12 days of food at once”, he corrected. I explained that, from what I remember, they had food “drop points”. These “drop points” were at specific locations in our path, we would hike to those spots. When we got there, we would drop off trash, and then pick up more food. “Exactly, and that is similar to what we do. We have “military style” helicopters that drop new toys in my sleigh along the way,” He said. He told how these helicopters dropped more toys directly into the sleigh, as the toys in his sleigh run low. “This is all done mid-air,” he said. “Think about this, in the past when my sleigh was full of ALL of the toys in one trip, my sleigh was heavier and the trip was slower,” He said. He then told how, NOW, the trip is simply faster. “This means that, when I stop at a house, I can eat a few more cookies.” (For the record, I thought the cookie thing, was made up by parents, I guess not.) “A few houses even leave apples or carrots for the reindeer,” He said. (I guess the reindeer need snacks too.)
We laughed and talked for a while longer, not only about Christmas but about other things too. He even complimented me on my charity that I have to help children. I talked about my very small blog. I explained that I have only had it for a short time. This blog only has a small number of readers. “Chris” (I am hiding the name that he used) “Can I write a blog entry about our meeting here today?” He thought for a long minute, as he took off his sunglasses because the sun was going down. “You showed me the stats of your blog, and no one will believe you anyway”, he continued to think. I quickly told him that, if he said yes, I would send him a copy of the blog first. This way he could give his “yes or no” before I posted it. He said, “let me think about it, I will let you know”. He gave me a way to contact him, through a few other people, who also know his secret identity.
About a month later, he got back to me. He agreed to let me blog about it, but with one simple rule. As long as I waited until December to post it, the answer is yes. However, he still wanted to approve the blog entry. I later asked Santa to keep me up-to-date on how things are going. He told me that he would let me know how his “deliveries” went this year. I asked him about the possibility of coming up north to visit his “company”, still trying to keep his secret identity. He told me that would not be a very good idea. I then asked if there was a way that on Christmas when he delivered to my house if I could see the reindeer. He roared with laughter and said “what makes you think I’m coming to your house this year?” then he winked at me. (He was a very funny guy, who loved to laugh, a lot).
I now have a very different outlook on Christmas. I also have a new respect for the work that they all do, in the far north. He later explained that they vacation in a new place every year, so it is unlikely that I would see him again. To anyone reading this blog, I am good at keeping secrets, so don’t think that I will share how I contact Santa. I have kept much bigger secrets, so if you want to be on the “good list”, simply be a good person, do good things, and you too can be on that list.