Previously, I wrote a blog on the topic of toxic people, focusing on seven types of these noxious individuals. Since the release date of the blog, I have found that some people do not fit neatly into only one category or in a specific grouping. Sometimes, they are a smorgasbord of toxicity boiling in a cauldron loaded with controlling narcissistic self-importance with a smattering of jealousy. These poisonous people can often be marinated in drama smeared with a dash of exaggeration.

For our health, we are responsible for weeding through and finding tumultuously pernicious friends and considering the following. Have you lost so many friends that you are eager to sacrifice your health and well-being not to lose another compadre? Between you and this cross-cohort, who has a more significant influence on the other? Do you lift them to your level, or do they pull you down and make you align with their insidious behaviors? In this blog, I will tell you about a few virulent people in my circle and how I answered these questions.

For example, I have a woman in my life named Victoria, who is massively materialistic and quite the know-it-all. She can also do no wrong. Although Vicki criticizes those who use profanity, she sounds like a sailor on leave moments later. I see various caregivers throughout the weeks, and Victoria is here enough that I understand her confusing cognitive concerns. Vicki got on my schedule to help, yet I had to decide whether this relationship was positive or negative for her or me.

If you are keeping someone like Victoria in your friendship quiver, answer some of the questions mentioned. Does this person put you in an awkward position where you must contemplate going against your beliefs? Are your health concerns threatened or at risk because no one has considered your ailment or issues? Do you have a stronger pull on them than they do on you, trying to make them better people?

I kept Victoria in my life because I have a greater pull on her than she has on me, not to mention she usually helps me weekly. When she and I converse, I sprinkle kindness and compassion into all topics to ensure she walks away with no negativity from me. Sometimes, Vicki uses a bitter barb towards others, and my response is some positive affirmation slathered with benevolence. My positive personality will never back down and always shine over her caustic, cloudy charisma, like the sun radiating after a rainstorm.

There is my friend Jack, who has changed significantly and has become toxic in various ways. Fifteen years ago, we met, and he began helping me in multiple ways, like driving me to doctor’s appointments. Jack had done more for me in the first few months than anyone else did for me in many years. However, in the last twelve months, he has exhibited highly vicious behavior towards me after recently going through a divorce and being left alone. I tried to make him understand, but alas, for my health, I have severed the ties of our irreparable friendship.

Jack, who is in his late 60s, is extremely stubborn and unwilling to accept the opinions of others, whether right or wrong. With every visit, the vicious verbal sparring arose quickly like the conflagration of a cardboard factory. Although we had been friends for so long, I no longer had an influence on him and no ability to show how the opinions of others were valid. This situation reminded me that my health is more valuable than our friendship, so I removed the cancerous cohort from my friend list.

It is extremely difficult to purge a poisonous person who has been an exceptional friend for a long time. A confidant who has helped you immensely and made an unquestioningly beneficial difference in your life is hard to ditch. I took the straightforward approach, deciding to be an adult and writing him a heartfelt letter explaining everything. It was a challenge, but I had to remind myself that my health must come well before any friendships.

On the other hand, there are a few toxic people in my life that I have decided to keep around. The positive facets of our friendships outweigh the negative aspects, as I have a stronger pull away from the dark side. However, for our relationship to continue, I cannot and will not be the only one to consent to the ideas of others. I must always put myself first and tell them it looks like today is not your day, and we will do my thing this time.

Friends come and go, but the importance of your health remains the same.

This writing is a classic blog showing how life while training was a three-ring circus. So I juggled every word, punctuation, and capitalization to mix and reconstruct to make an updated, enjoyable blog. Like a lion tamer, I whipped these sentences until they correctly formed paragraphs best for your situation education. Just like with the elephant, I have sat and squished all the past participles and adverbs to make the structure of this blog make sense. So, as if you were sitting under the Big Top eating your cotton candy and watching the clown comedy, please enjoy the following blog about my first and only wheelchair 5K. 

When pigs fly…

My buddy Bill came over with a pizza and soda so we could have some socialization with conversation and mastication. We discussed many things, including how my wheelchair life began a few weeks prior, and how it was pretty rough for me. My new station in life dreadfully discouraged me, so this was the focus of our in-depth discussion. I allowed my intense imagination to run wild on how my existence in a wheelchair would look so sad. My brain imagery showed a purgatory of gravel and sand roads I could not traverse to reach my family and friends.

They estimate that two hundred million people worldwide use wheelchairs to aid their mobility. However, the idea of being permanently stuck in my newly seated contraption unsettled me to the core. I lived alone in a house built in the early 1950s, which was not even near wheelchair friendly. The mandatory moving money did not live in my bank account, nor did I have the cash to make my residence more accessible. My imagination showed my new wheelchair life that would be a constant uphill battle deeply drenched in my blood, sweat, and tears.

Bill, who had been in the Air Force, recognized the best thing he could do for me was to challenge me. He told me if I did a 5k race in my chair, he would walk with me, and together we would conquer this beast. My knee-jerk reaction was to say, “I’ll do a race when pigs fly.” However, I later accepted the challenge and began looking for a 5K race in Columbus, Ohio, that would fit my needs. This race had to have a few things, like a first aid lodge, bathrooms, and a place at the halfway point to stop and have lunch. Apparently, for a 3.1-mile race, they do not include any of those amenities, so I settled for a first-aid table and a banana at the end of the race.

Four months and one day before the race, it was time to train for this complex competition. On my first training trip, I planned to conquer the world or traverse a few miles around the neighborhood. Sadly, it did not take me long to realize I did not yet have the muscles to conquer a quest like this. That day, I completed an excruciatingly exhausting 0.2 miles and needed a two-day respite. My arms felt like I walked the entire 0.2 miles on my hands, making them as wobbly as jello during my two-day rest. At that point, I understood my training would take longer than I thought, and we were four months until race day.

Wheeling around my neighborhood every other day, I watched my distance grow regularly. For the first month, I needed the next day for respite as every trip challenged me and was extremely exhausting. While I trekked around the community, I celebrated every milestone I had achieved and watched my mileage grow exponentially. As I got stronger, my seemingly circuitous route took me around a school several times throughout my neighborhood. By the second month of determined pushing, my trips became long daily muscle-building excursions with less pain and more miles. I also recovered more quickly than I expected, as nearly every day, my daily distance crept higher and higher.

The night before the 5k, Bill brought pizza to converse and discussed the morning procedures as I continued to sweat bullets. He reminded me to get plenty of sleep and eat something in the morning, but not too heavy. We talked about when he would pick me up in the morning and what I would wear for this 3.1-mile marathon. I was nervous about the 5k, so Bill reminded me there was no doubt in his mind as I had done the training and was ready for every inch of the road.

Four months after starting this dynamic distance drill, it was game day, meaning it was time to put up or shut up. Now I needed to put my big boy pants on and show the world what I could do, or at least those who showed up. My nerves were shaking more than a guitar string playing heavy metal music, which made me wonder if it was too late to back out. Just then, a big pink pig, one of the hot air balloons floating across the sky, made me break out into booming laughter. Bill looked at me, giggling, and reminded me of my words when I said I would do this race when pigs fly, and now there was one flying.

I spoke with Lisa, the race coordinator, and requested to start the race early. Moving slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter, I wanted an early launch. Although I hoped for an hour’s head start, Lisa told me I get 10 minutes after the kids and before the runners. The ten-minute early launch disappeared quickly as the runners caught up and passed me within minutes.

The race was excessively, excruciatingly, exhaustingly long at 5 kilometers, or 3.107 miles, to be exact. Of all wheelchair users that day, I was the first to cross the finish line and get my picture in the newspaper. I started with 0.2 miles on day one of my training, and exactly four months and one day later, I completed 4.11 miles. Others are proud of me, and I am too, but it shows what a little ambition, tenacity mixed with a twist of angst can do.

When told you cannot do something, do it and prove them wrong.

This blog is not about me and my multiple sclerosis, but instead, it is about a shining star and a fantastic friendship. I have been extremely fortunate to have never lost anyone close to me, making my sister Laura the first, which lays heavy on my heart. On Wednesday, September 27th, Laura Kathleen English died unexpectedly in her home in Columbus, OH. She died too young, at 39 years of age, after recently purchasing her first home in Columbus, where she lived most of her life.

Laura meant a lot to many people, but to me, she was more than just a sister; she was a great friend and a writing mentor. As an older brother, she and I would have many late-night conversations discussing life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. We were often a sounding board for each other, commiserating and celebrating whether it was life’s good, bad, or ugly. We frequently communicated on the phone and tried to get together whenever possible in person.

I shared this poem with Laura years ago when it applied to our lives, and she absolutely loved it. Laura told me she genuinely appreciated the blogs I wrote and faithfully reposted them on her Facebook page to help grow my readership. She also posted it because it is an excellent message everyone should take to heart and remember that life is short. So, in memory of Laura Kathleen English, let me again share this poem with all my readers and hope everyone takes to heart the words of wisdom.

Barely the day started… it’s already six in the evening.
Barely arrived on Monday, and it’s already Friday.
… and the month is already over.
… and the year is almost over.
… and already 40, 50, or 60 years of our lives have passed.
… and we realize that we lost our parents or friends.
And we realize it’s too late to go back…
So… Let’s try, despite everything, to enjoy the remaining time…
Let’s keep looking for activities that we like…
Let’s put some color in our grey…
Let’s smile at the little things that put balm in our hearts.
And despite everything, we must continue to enjoy with serenity this time we have left. Let’s try to eliminate the afters…
I’m doing it after…
I’ll say it after…
I’ll think about it after…
We leave everything for later, like ′′ after ′′ is ours.
Because what we don’t understand is that:
Afterwards, the coffee gets cold…
afterwards, priorities change…
Afterwards, the charm is broken…
Afterwards, health passes…
Afterwards, the kids grow up…
Afterwards parents get old…
Afterwards, promises are forgotten…
Afterwards, the day becomes the night…
Afterwords, life ends…
And then it’s often too late….
So… Let’s leave nothing for later…
Because if we are still waiting to see you later, we can lose the best moments,
the best experiences,
The best friends,
The best family…
The day is today… The moment is now…

We are no longer at a time when we can afford to postpone what needs to be done right away.

Our time on this Big Blue marble goes by in the span of a blink, so make life count while you are here. Do not continue to let time slip away like sand in an hourglass, and tell your family and friends that you love them. We do not know how much time we have, so tell everyone how important they are in your life. Although I am a writer, my words are incompetent, insufficient, and inadequate to say what I want. As I initially said, Laura was an essential and bright star in my life.

Laura, I love you very much. Our bond meant the world to me, and I will always keep you in my heart.